I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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