is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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