I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
