my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my shit smells like andre
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
