There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
