it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
