i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
