8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
