Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
