He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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