The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
