Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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