He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
