I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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