called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
