We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
