i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
