you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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