Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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