I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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