Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
