i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
