Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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