You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
