U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Me too!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
