If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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