I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
