a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
