The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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