You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
