marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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