well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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