It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
