Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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