I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
