Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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