i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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