Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
