You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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