My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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