seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i barfeds in our rink
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
