God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
