just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Randomize
