my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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