Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Couch. On fire.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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