i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
