dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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