you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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