I am puke
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
