if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
