Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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