I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
