I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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