sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
