So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
