So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
What a dumb baby whore.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
