Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
