Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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