my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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