I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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