I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
