I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
