Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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