dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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