I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
