what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
