I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
