I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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