No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
