you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
