Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I need a burrito and a hug.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
