So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
