It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
