the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
