in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I could have mohawked her pubes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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