I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
