do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
