I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
