thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
