Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
