take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
