I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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