After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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