I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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